Will my employer support me as I become a parent?

By Elizabeth Schlackman, January 2023

Whether or not to have a child is a deeply personal decision.  But, it’s not a decision made in a vacuum.  In the ever-increasing concentric circles of whose opinion matters: we consider a lot of people and situations when we decide to have a child. Are my partner and I both ready, physically and emotionally? Are we financially ready? What influence does our extended family have on our decision? Are we living in the right place to have a child? What time of year should we have a child? Will my employer support me as I become a parent?

When I consider my experience having children as a woman, and the many stories I have heard over the years from my friends and family, some have stuck with me, put a thumbtack to stay in place in the corkboard of my memory.  One friend knew that she would have to take the longest possible time to achieve tenure at her college because she wanted to have children during that time. She shared that she believes men regularly achieve tenure much faster than women, with all the benefits inherent, because childbearing takes so much time from women’s working lives.  Another friend shared that though she and her husband both wanted a large family, she wouldn’t have another child unless he got a diplomatic posting to a country where they could afford live-in childcare.  Another friend’s three children are all born at the same time of year, to coincide with the summer break so she wouldn’t have to miss teaching time.

So many women shared my experience of this delicate balance: your fertile years versus the time it takes in librarianship to be in a financially secure job.  I spent the first ten years of my career moving from one job to the next, for assorted reasons: not professional enough, a fixed term position, not satisfying enough.  And then, once you get into the ‘good’ job, the one that has you set professionally, you have to navigate policies.  You also wonder about countless other things like… “When will you qualify for benefits and FMLA?” and “When is the best time, don’t want to get pregnant too soon, or I won’t have job protections.” As well as “I really don’t want my supervisor or coworkers to feel that I’m always off because of my parental obligations or feel that I am abandoning my responsibilities at work.” And, then, cross fingers, and hope that a viable pregnancy happens?

And what of the women for whom the balance doesn’t work?  The ones for whom childcare costs more than their pay, so it’s better if they stay home with the children?  The ones whose kids have health needs beyond one sick leave day a month for mom?  The single parents keeping EVERY SINGLE BALL in the air.  The ones who do such a stellar job, but don’t have an ounce of energy to pursue professional advancement after looking after both their children and their elderly parents.  The ones who are child-less or child-free who pick up the slack at work because our employers […and our government and our society] are unwilling to make the necessary provisions to support workers and families.

What a lot of questions there are to consider. All come with more uncertainty than answers.  There isn’t and shouldn’t be one answer to any of them.  But questions persist because of a lack of transparency at every stage (requesting leave, how much leave is acceptable, how can leave be taken – all at once or a week on/then week off or possibly half days?, will I be viewed as someone who cares about their work or will future career opportunities be kept out of reach).  

If you are reading this, I hope you agree that this matters.  Perhaps you wouldn’t have gotten this far in this blog post if you didn’t agree!  This most certainly matters.  Workplaces should reflect the makeup of society.  There are many who are disproportionately affected by the difficulties and disservices referenced above, significantly women and people of color.  Big changes need to happen to support working parents better, both legally, and in the attitudes of modern society.  It matters because individuals get to be more than one thing. Being a parent isn’t the totality of my self-identity and I shouldn’t have to sacrifice my career and other pursuits to have children.  Neither should you.